


The Party

by CantSpeakFae



Series: The Scars Souvenir [19]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Episode Revisit + Revision, F/M, Missing Scenes, Slightly AU from here, Written from Xander's P.O.V
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 12:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18315437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CantSpeakFae/pseuds/CantSpeakFae
Summary: This is the new normal.





	The Party

It’s just another night. This is the new normal.   
  
He’s dressed in all black. Subdued colours, not because it stops the vampires from seeing him but because he’s learned - through trial and error - that they tend to go for people in bright colours, because anyone wearing a bright colour in a graveyard is either an enemy or stupid. That, and blending in with his surroundings gives him an aura of calm as well as taps into that part of his brain that remembers life as a soldier. Makes him a better leader, remembering that stuff. Keeps him level and gives him a nice tone of authority. Even Cordelia stands up a little straighter when he uses his army voice. It’d be funny if this wasn’t all so terrifying all the time…   
  
He’s away from the group, tonight. They’re not far behind him, but they’re letting him walk alone. Another lesson he’s picked up. Vampires go for one on one battles more often than they do groups. Even three vampires would pick the solo human over a couple. They like the odds stacked firmly in their favour… and since Cordelia is tired of being “bait” every night, they decided to switch it up and let Xander go-ahead to test one of their new ideas. They don’t have Slayer strength or agility, but they do have at least a vague knowledge of vampire weaknesses and new ways to exploit them.   
  
Last week, it was Cordelia’s idea of re-purposing a can of mace and filling it with holy water instead. That was an A+ scheme. This week, it’s Willow’s idea that fortifying a stake with a strengthening spell might stop it from turning to ash with the vampire if they forget to pull it back out, thus reducing whittling needs. And Xander is anxious to test that out because he’s got splinters that not even tweezers can save him from.   
  
There’s a noise behind him. The sound of an aluminum can crunching underfoot and he whirls around fast, the hyena’s snarl building up in his throat and the soldier’s accuracy guiding his arm as he swings the stake at the figure. The figure throws their arms off to block the swing and then deftly removes the stake from his hands, much faster than a human or even a vampire could move, and then they raise it in a counter attack.   
  
Xander staggers back, his cross swinging out from his neck, and he debates yanking it off and wrapping it around his knuckles before he swings, just in case it is something undead… but then he looks at his attacker. Really, really looks at them.  
  
Looks at HER.  
  
Buffy lowers the stake. “Didn’t anyone ever warn you about playing with pointy sticks? It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.”   
  
She shakes the stake at him. And he can’t think of anything to say, so he just blurts out -  
  
“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that!”   
  
It’s lame. It’s a lame thing to say, but he doesn’t know what else there is TO say. It’s… Buffy. It’s really her. After all this time - unless his mind cracked like an egg and he’s totally hallucinating her. That also seems like a possibility. He manages a weak smile.   
  
“Jeeze, Buff!”   
  
Suddenly a vampire smashes his way out of a crate leaning against a wall. Figures. As the Slayer goes, so does the undead nation. He lunges at the two of them and all three of them go sprawling into the pavement. Xander scrambles to grab the vampire as he gets up, but the demon is faster and grabs him first, yanking him back to his feet and reeling back to strike. But Buffy’s faster - Buffy’s always been faster - and kicks the vampire in the stomach, sending him reeling back into the trash.   
  
“Come in, Nighthawk!” Cordelia’s voice suddenly crackles over the walkie-talkie that’s clipped to Xander’s belt. “Everything okay?”   
  
Buffy stares at him. “...Nighthawk?”   
  
Xander bristles at her tone. That was one of HIS ideas, inspired by Cordelia’s very real fear of pissing off the wrong, powerful vampire and giving it their _names_  that they can use to track down their addresses and families, just like Angelus did to them. Code-names made them all feel safer and more official. Just like the dark clothes and the soldier voice. The safer they felt, the better they worked.   
  
But before he can explain any of that, the vampire gets back to his feet and lunges at them again. Buffy shouts as Xander is knocked back into the chain link fence. Buffy lunges, herself, trying to stake the vampire but he’s too fast, sidestepping her and shoving her into the fence as well. Xander tries to come up behind him and take him by surprise, but he’s only rewarded with a backhand to the face and his butt hitting the ground.   
  
Buffy gets to her feet and blocks two punches from the vampire, trying to hold him at bay as he shoves her back, again. Finally, Willow, Cordy, and Oz have caught up with them. The girls grab the vampire by his arms and drag him off of Buffy, fierce determination in their eyes, slamming him hard up against the steel door. The vampire snarls while Oz starts to move in with the stake but gets roundhouse kicked back to lie next to Xander and they share a look of mutual exasperation.   
  
Cordelia is the next to go flying, but Buffy catches her. And when Willow goes, she falls into Xander and Oz.   
  
“Oh, hey, Buffy,” Cordelia says, brightly, before she’s pushed aside.   
  
Buffy stakes the vampire. It’s quick, clean, and leaves all four of them on the ground, looking up at her as the dust settles. And Xander could just kick himself. They’d been doing so well for so long, now. Of course, the Slayer would roll back into town and catch them with a dead baddie who could actually /fight/.   
  
Buffy gives them a little wave and a weak smile. “Hey, guys.”   
  
Xander drops his head back down onto the pavement. Hard.  
  


* * *

  
Giles’ place.   
  
It’s the first place they go, since Buff says that she’s already been home. Xander was glad he missed /that/ reunion, and the only other person to let know that she’s… back is the Watcher, himself. But they’re all standing on his doorstep and Buffy is hovering.   
  
“You know, I -- maybe it’s too late. Maybe we should just come back tomorrow.”   
  
They don’t move. They just stare at her. This feels weird. Like it’s not real - like he’s about to wake up to his alarm or the screaming of his parents again. Another day, another demon. But it’s Buffy who’s looking back at them, worry in her eyes.   
  
“What if he's mad?”   
  
“Mad?” Xander asks, genuinely surprised by the question. Giles hadn’t stopped looking for her, once, since she took off. He spent every hour… “Just because you ran away and abandoned your post and your friends and your mom and made him lay awake every night worrying about you?”   
  
He didn’t mean to word it so harshly, but now that he has, he looks to Oz and Willow.   
  
“Maybe we should wait out here.”   
  
Buffy gives him a look and then turns around to face the door, again. She reaches for the knocker and taps it a few times. It takes a few minutes, but Giles makes it there… and just stares out at them. No expression. No feeling behind it. Just. Blank. And Xander gets nervous like he’s witnessing the stillness before a storm hits. He has to break the silence.  
  
“Check it out! The Watcher is back on the clock. And just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a . . . a looker or a . . . a seer.” He says, lamely.  
  
“Thank you, Xander,” Giles says, with what is almost a smile. He puts his glasses on and looks to his Slayer. “Welcome home, Buffy.”   
  
Buffy smiles up at him and he pulls the door wider open, stepping out the way so they can all come in. Buffy walks in carefully, while the rest of them rush on in, jumping onto his couch in a familiar way and wrapping arms around each other. They’ve all been here, after every patrol, since school started and he found out what they’d been doing. Just reporting back, telling him what they’d invented, and how they were faring. Tonight didn’t feel much different… except Buffy is there too and she settles on the couch, forcing Cordelia to the chair that sits right next to it. Xander leans closer to her when he sees how irritable this makes her.   
  
Giles sits, too. He’s still staring at Buffy. If this was a normal night, he’d be offering tea that no one accepts and then bidding them to recount their fabulous fails. But it’s not, so…  
  
“When did you…” Giles starts to ask, pulling off his glasses and wiping them clean on his shirt.   
  
“ I got in a few hours ago, but I wanted to go see my mom first.”  
  
“Yes. Yes, of course. How, how did you find her?”  
  
“Well, I pretty much remembered the address,” Buffy said, smartly.   
  
“Ah, eh, I mean, uh… how are things between you?”   
  
Saved by the teakettle. It starts whistling and G-man has to excuse himself… leaving them all with Buffy. In silence. Awkward, terrible silence.   
  
“Hey, so you're not wanted for murder anymore,” Oz says, suddenly. That’s probably a good thing to put out there. Buffy’s DNA wasn’t found on the scene and testimonies from Xander, Willow, Cordelia, and Giles that pinned the crime on a gang on PCP did some neat little ass-saving. Score one for the team.   
  
“Good. That was such a drag.”  
  
“So where were you?” Xander asked, and then realizing that it sounded a little accusing, he added, “Did you go to Belgium?”  
  
Buffy gives him an odd look “Why would I go to Belgium?”  
  
“I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you?” He says, smiling a little too widely. Trying to make up for the happy he’s finding he’s… not feeling. “Belgium!”   
  
“What about you, Xander? What's up with you?” Buffy asks, smiling herself… but also deflecting the question.   
  
Xander shrugs. “Oh, you know. Same old, same old.”   
  
“Hardly,” Cordelia said, sounding miffed.   
  
“Okay, I lied, a whole lot is new.”   
  
“Well, that's good, isn't it? New is good.”  
  
“Oh, yeah, absolutely, except for the obvious. It's not too much . . .” He starts to say, then leans in and whispers the rest to Cordelia, making her scowl and shove him in response to their private joke. Willow and Oz grin in semi-understanding, but Buffy just blinks.   
  
“Yeah, 'cause you weren't at the hotel,” Cordelia says, rolling her eyes.  
  
Giles comes back into the living room, with tea.  
  
“Cordelia's parents dragged her onto a luxury vacation,” Xander explains, to abate some of Buffy’s confusion.  
  
“I feel for you.”  
  
“Here we are then,” Giles says, setting a tray on the coffee table. “Cheer us up.”   
  
He sits down in his chair and takes the teapot. Xander swipes a cookie. It’s good to fortify himself after a long night of getting his ass kicked.   
  
“So were you, like, living in a box, or what?” Cordelia asked, ever the tactful one. Xander broke off a piece of his cookie and offered it to her, ignoring the way she wrinkled her nose in disgust before she took it and popped it into her mouth.   
  
“Well, it's a long story.”  
  
“So skip the heartwarming stuff about kindly old people and saving the farm and get right to the dirt,” Xander suggests.   
  
They all look at her, expectantly. And it’s Giles who comes to her rescue. As usual. Traitor.   
  
“Perhaps Buffy could use a little time to adjust before we grill her on her summer activities.”  
  
“What he said.”  
  
Alright, fine. Don’t tell them. Just disappear for months, without a word, then show back up without a word. At least there’s a theme to follow. Xander sits back, again, swallowing a bite of cookie.   
  
“Fair enough. In fact, you can leave the slaying to us while you settle in. We got you covered.”   
  
“I noticed,” Buffy said, but her tone was not half as chipper. In fact, her lips twitched like she was trying not to frown or laugh. “You guys seem down with the slayage, all tricked out with your… walkies and everything.”   
  
“Yeah, but the outfits suck. This whole Rambo thing is so over. I'm thinking more sporty, like Hilfiger maybe.”   
  
Oh, no. Not this again. How many times does he gotta tell her that they’re not gonna get sponsored just for wearing a brand?   
  
“Still!” Willow said, speaking for the first time. “We’re getting good. We dusted nine out of ten!”   
  
Oz whispers to Willow. “Six out of ten.”  
  
“Six out of ten!”  
  
Xander saw the look in Buffy’s eyes and bristled, again. Why does she keep looking at them like they’re three-year-olds playing house? “Whatever, we were kicking a little undead booty.”  
  
“Well, thank you for the offer, but I think I just wanna get back to my normal routine. You know, school, slaying . . . kid's stuff. In fact, I'm jonesing for a little brainless fun.” Buffy said, glancing at Xander. “What are you doing tomorrow?”  
  
Buffy’s back in town. Buffy wants to hang out. Xander should be jumping for joy… but he finds himself recoiling from the offer.   
  
“Oh, I would, but uh,” He says, reaching to hold onto Cordelia’s arm and pull her closer. “I’m kind of tied up.”   
  
“You wish!” Cordelia said, pushing him away.  
  
Gee, babe, could you take a hint and help a guy out for once? He slumps into the couch, but Buffy’s already moved on from him.   
  
“Willow?”   
  
“Um, tomorrow I--” Willow starts to say, and Xander’s surprised to hear that she’s ducking her, too. They gotta talk. Scooby meeting, pronto.   
  
“Oh, come on. Friends don't let friends browse alone.”  
  
“Okay. I had some schoolwork, but . . . I can change my plans.”   
  
“As for school, Buffy, uh, you know you'll have to talk to Principal Snyder before--  
  
“On it. Mom is making an appointment with His Ugliness. I know she can break him.” Buffy says, cheerfully.  
  
Giles looks up from his tea and gives her an unsure little grin and Xander slumps further on the couch. This doesn’t feel like the joyful reunion they’d all been expecting. Where’s the joy gone?  
  


* * *

  
They don’t stay at Giles’ long, just enough to go through the same circular conversation over and over again having nothing to talk about but the summer and also not actually talking about the summer. Just smiling and nodding and feeling uncomfortable with each other. Xander doesn’t like it. Willow doesn’t like it. Oz seems indifferent and Cordelia probably couldn’t care less, but Xander is pretty sure that Giles isn’t happy either and that Buffy, at least, is feeling some of the awkward tension.   
  
They bid him goodnight before it gets too late, since most of them still have curfews, and then start off. Buffy goes home in one direction, they go in the other. Walking the girls home is a habit and then parting ways at their respective intersection is another, for Xander and Oz. That, and it gives Xander a chance to call an emergency Scooby meeting as they walk.   
  
“That was weird, right?” Xander asked. “Does anyone else think that was weird?”   
  
“Well, we haven’t seen her in a long time,” Willow said, chewing on her bottom lip. “Almost four months. And we’ve all been through a lot. I’m sure we just need to get used to her being back and then we’ll -”   
  
“What? Be okay, again? I’m not feeling that. I’m feeling.. Weird. Do you guys feel weird?”   
  
“There’s a weirdness,” Oz confirms, squeezing Willow’s hand.   
  
“Whatever,” Cordelia says, tossing her hair. “Sheriff Buffy is back in town, so I guess we’re done being Slayers. And I just bought all that black and those running shoes… ugh, I wonder if I can return them.”   
  
“Wait, what?” Xander asked, turning to her. “Who said we’re done with that?”   
  
“Uh, hello? Buffy did? She said she wants everything to go back to normal. Obvs, she’s going to want you guys to fall back to being her sidekicks. I just assumed you were going to.”   
  
“Well, you assumed wrong. We’re not going to stop fighting vampires.”   
  
“We’re not?” Willow asked, startled.   
  
Xander came to a halt, looking at all of them, his lips parted with confusion.   
  
“What, do you WANT to? We’ve been working so hard -- we have all those ideas! And a lot of them work. You wanna just give up?”   
  
“Maybe it’s for the best. I mean, we weren’t doing as good as Buffy does. Not even with all of us working together.” Willow said, scuffing her shoe against the ground.   
  
“I can’t believe this. You can’t really want to go back to being helpless?”   
  
“Not helpless! Helpful! We can help Buffy! We can show her all of our ideas and, you know, she can try ‘em. We’re like her tech whizzes! You know, those guys in the lab who come up with inventions but stay outta the way?"  
  
Xander’s shoulders slump. They wanna give in? Just like that? After everything?   
  
“It’s not that bad,” Cordelia says. “At least you won’t get your ass kicked every night, now.”   
  
Xander laughed. It’s not a happy sound. If only she knew. “Yeah, right.”   
  
“Don’t worry, Xan. We’re still gonna fight the dark forces, you know. Buffy’s back in town, so I’m sure slayer-y things are abound.”   
  


* * *

  
If Slayer-y things mean an undead cat caged up on the table of the library? Then, yes. Mucho slayer-y things and also slayer-y things smell bad.   
  
Oz is inspecting it closely, apparently not as grossed out by it as Xander is. Xander’s also fascinated, but keeping his distance… and he wonders if Oz’s ability to get close has anything to do with him being a werewolf. Dog’s tend to like gross smells, right?   
  
“It looks dead. It smells dead. Yet it’s movin’ around. That’s interesting.” Oz says.   
  
“Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything?” Cordelia huffs as she finally settles in and sits opposite of Willow to help research since Xander and Oz are too fascinated to sit and read.   
  
Giles comes down from the stacks, an irritated expression on his face and making a clucking sound with his tongue as he dropped some more books on the table.  
  
“I'm trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I'm going to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk.”  
  
“Well, I like it. I think you should call it Patches.”   
  
Xander isn’t sure if Oz is serious or not - a side-effect of him being Oz - so he’s grateful when Willow suddenly looks up and derails the conversation.   
  
“What about Buffy's welcome home dinner tonight? I had told her mom we'd help out. Bring stuff.”  
  
“I'm the dip.” Cordelia chimes in, missing all the amused looks everyone throws at her.  
  
Xander chuckles. “Uh, you gotta admire the purity of it.”  
  
Cordelia looks up at that, recognizing the taunt of Xander’s voice. “What? Onion dip. Stirring, not cooking. It's what I bring.”  
  
Oz leans back in his chair “We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?”  
  
Sometimes Xander thinks that Oz says things… just to say them. He’s pretty sure that nothing that comes out of his mouth actually means anything to him.  
  
“What's the difference?”  
  
Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.”  
  
“Well, I hate brie,” Xander says, only mostly kidding. He’s also not fond of the idea of… mellow, because that implies closeness and conversation.  
  
“I know. It smells like Giles's cat.” Cordelia mutters.  
  
“It's not my -”  
  
“And what'll we talk about at a gathering anyway? 'So, Buffy, did you meet any nice pimps on your travels? And oh, by the by, thanks for ruining our lives for the past three months.'” Xander interrupts.  
  
Willow looks up at that, frowning. “Xander…”  
  
“You know what I mean.” Xander said, shaking her off before she could start the “we’re all friends and this is hard for her too” speech. He knows that. It just doesn’t make him less angry. “She doesn’t want to talk about it, we don’t want to talk about it, so why don’t we just shut up and dance?”  
  
“Well, Buffy said she did want to loosen up, you know, have some kid time.” Willow agreed, making it painfully obvious to Xander that she agreed with him on all levels except verbally, and she looks to Oz. “Aren't you guys rehearsing tonight? Why don't you play at the party?”  
  
“Yeah, I think I could supply some Dingo action.”  
  
“Uh, I-I'm not sure that, a, a, um . . . shindig . . .”   
  
“Hootenanny.”  
  
“H-hootenanny i-i-is really the order of the day. Uh, uh, it should . . . maybe something a little more intimate. I-I-I mean, Buffy has just got home. I'm, I'm sure she's still feeling a little disoriented.”  
  
Xander and Willow both shy away from the word intimate, flinching the flinch of the abandoned BFFs, but Willow’s the one who steps up to deflect, this time, like they’re working in shifts.  
  
“All the more reason to make her feel welcome, a-and a big party says, 'Welcome, Buffy.'”  
  
Xander slaps Giles on the back. Giles turns to give him a look, but he doesn’t shy away.  
  
“Okay, so one vote from the Old Guy for a Smelly Cheese Night, and how many votes for actual fun, huh?”  
  
Everyone but Giles raises their hand and they all grin at each other.  
  
“Alright, alright. Have it your way. I'm just glad to have her home.”  
  
The cat meows again. Giles continues to page through a book.   
  
“Now things can get back to normal.”  
  
Yeah, but which normal? The new one or the old one?  
  


* * *

  
The party is a little wilder than anyone was expecting. Only, Xander doesn’t really notice, because Cordelia dragged him to the stairs after the first two songs, wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him so hard that he’d think he was dying and for a while, it’s nothing but Cordelia, Cordelia, Corde - Buffy? He sees her heading for the stairs and pulls back, slightly, even as Cordy starts to kiss his face and neck, not interested in conversation. Who knew parties did it for her?  
  
“Hey, Buff, uh . . . what are you doing?”  
  
“I was just taking a break from all this wacky fun,” Buffy said, looking around.  
  
“Some kind of party, huh? I guess a lot of people are glad to have you back.”   
  
Man, it is hard to concentrate when Cordelia is kissing him like that.   
  
“It seems like people I didn't even know missed me… did Giles say he was going to be late?”  
  
“Uh, he was Library Man last time I saw him. But he'll be here. He wants to celebrate your homecoming. We all do. I mean, it's great to have the Buffster back.” He says, trying to offer up a sincere smile, but Cordelia nips at him and sends a shiver up his spine. He coughs, trying to get her attention. “Isn’t it?”   
  
Cordelia finally pulls back and smiles. “Totally! … Except, you were kinda turning me on with that whole Boy Slayer look.”   
  
New topic. Better topic, actually. Cordelia has his attention, again.   
  
“Was I now?”   
  
“You bet, Nighthawk.”  
  
That makes Xander grin, and they both chuckle before they start kissing again. Xander doesn’t see Buffy leave.  
  


* * *

  
They’re locked together for a while after that until a commotion from the living room finally brings them in, only to find Ms. Summers staring down Buffy, absolutely livid. Uh-oh. Maybe the party did get too out of hand. What’s going on?  
  
“You know what? I don't care. I don't care what your friends think of me, or you for that matter, because you put me through the wringer, Buffy. I mean it!” She says, breathing hard. “And I’ve had schnapps. Do you have ANY idea what it’s been like?  
  
“Mom, this isn’t the time -”   
  
Willow and Oz show up, too, looking worried. Xander tries to catch her attention, figure out if she knows what’s going on.   
  
“You can't imagine *months* of not knowing. Not knowing whether you're lying dead in a ditch somewhere or, I don't know, living it up -”  
  
Buffy’s eyes flash. “But you told me! You're the one who said I should go. You said if I leave this house, don't come back. You found out who I really was, and you couldn't deal. Don't you remember?”  
  
People are starting to leave, but Xander edges closer. Okay. They’re all ripping off the band-aids, now? This is good, right? Starting a dialogue or something.   
  
“Buffy, you didn't give me time. You just dumped this thing on me and you expected me to get it. Well, guess what? Mom's not perfect, okay? I handled it badly. But that doesn't give you the right to punish me by running away.”  
  
“Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you!”  
  
“Well, you did!” Xander said, suddenly. “You should’ve seen what you put her through.”   
  
He saw it. They all did. They all watched her fall apart, tear herself apart, tear Giles down too. Frantic and hurting and missing Buffy more than any of them could. And he hated that. Watching her, watching what a parent is supposed to act like and not being able to do anything to help. Watching her break down just like he watched Jesse’s mom spiral before she booked it out of town.   
  
“Great. Thanks. Anybody else want to weigh in here? How about you by the dip?” Buffy snaps, at Jonathan, who freezes in the middle of bringing a chip laden with dip to his mouth and looks around nervously.  
  
“No, thanks. I’m good.”   
  
“You know, maybe you don’t want to hear it, Buffy, but taking off like you did was incredibly selfish and stupid,” Xander says, coolly, trying to draw her attention back to him. They’re gonna talk about it. No more deflecting. No more pretending that everything is normal now that she’s here. Because it’s not.   
  
“Okay! Okay. I screwed up. I know this. But you have no idea! You have, you have no idea what happened to me or what I was feeling!”  
  
That hurts.   
  
That hurts a lot.   
  
Because if there was gonna be anyone who understood… it was him. He was the only one out of all of them who had ever had to kill someone that they loved. Really, really, really loved. And he’d known Jesse his whole life. Did she forget about that? Or did she really think that him having to kill his best friend and the first person to ever love him couldn’t possibly compare to her pain? And even if she DID forget about Jesse, what about Ms. French? What about Ampata? Didn’t think he could relate to having feelings for someone who tried to kill him and his friends? Even if he wasn’t in love with them, it was still a betrayal.   
  
“Did you even try talking to anybody?” Xander asked, his voice shaking.  
  
“There was nothing that anybody could do. Okay? I just had to deal with this on my own.”  
  
“Yeah, and you see how well THAT one worked out. You can't just bury stuff, Buffy. It'll come right back up to get you.”  
  
Buffy narrowed her eyes at him and folded her arms over her chest. “As if I even could’ve gone to you, Xander. You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear.”   
  
It always comes back to that, doesn’t? Xander didn’t like Angel, so he’s the bad guy. He’s the jealous freak. It doesn’t matter what Angel did, who Angel killed, who he tortured, what he tried to do… Xander was worse just for not liking him. Doesn’t matter that he was right not to trust him. Doesn’t matter that he knew from the beginning that there’s only one way this could end - the way that they TOLD HIM it would when he first met Buffy and lost Jesse the first time.   
  
“Look. I'm sorry that your honey was a demon, but most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles.” Xander snarls out.   
  
And he knows, immediately, that he crossed a line. Not just because of how sick he feels as soon as he says it and not just because of the way that Buffy looks at him, but because Cordelia intercedes.   
  
“Time out, Xander. Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute. Okay? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally, I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault -”  
  
Buffy interrupts, furiously. “Cordy! Get outta my shoes!”  
  
Cordelia looks hurt. “I'm just trying to help, Buffy.”  
  
“Buffy, you never -”  
  
“Willow, please. I can't take this from you, too!”  
  
Xander bristles. Buffy wants to shut him down and act like what he has to say doesn’t matter? Fine. He can take it. But… as hurt and as angry as he was when Buffy left, Willow took it even harder and he’s not going to let her be shut down, now.   
  
“Let her finish!” Xander snapped. “You at least owe her that.”   
  
“God, Xander! Do you think you could at least stick to annoying me on your own behalf?”   
  
Annoying?   
  
That’s what she thinks this is? Them, telling her how she hurt them by running away. Them, trying to make her see the damage and the pain and them trying to understand why she was so willing to run out on them… that’s annoying to her?   
  
“Fine! You stop acting like an idiot, I’ll stop annoying you!”   
  
Buffy steps up to him, her eyes flashing dangerously. “Oh, you wanna talk acting like an idiot, Nighthawk?”  
  
She sneers the codename and Xander’s blood runs cold in his veins. For a second, he can’t see straight. He just stands there and shakes. How… how can she do that? How can she run out on them, leave them with nothing but the secret of the Hellmouth, the knowledge of how easily they could die, and then come back and LAUGH at how they handled it? Because they don’t have super special powers - because they had to rely on cheesy things like codenames and vampire hunting cheats like holy water mace to get things working? Because they had to do something, anything to make it a little less terrifying to know that they could just… die?   
  
She abandoned them. She left them with nothing. She ran out, no word. No letter for them. Never called. Won’t even tell them where she went or what she did and for all they knew she was dead, and now she comes back and she…  
  
Cordelia and Willow look hurt, too, by the Nighthawk comment and Oz must see the look in Xander’s eyes, or at least the one in Willow’s because he steps forward and between them.   
  
“Okay. I'm gonna step in now, being Referee Guy.”  
  
“No, let them go, Oz,” Willow says, hoarsely. “Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some violence.”  
  
Something suddenly smashes through the window. A guy - a DEAD guy, like as in dawn of the dead - coming in with others right behind them.   
  
“I was being sarcastic!” Willow shrieked.   
  


* * *

  
One of them grabs Xander and he freaks, struggling to wrest him offa him. They’re strong, though, and Xander has to swallow back the urge to vomit when he hears the sound of one of the party goers neck being broken. The adrenaline that courses through his veins at how close he is to being the next to die makes him snarl and he throws the guy back out the window. Willow and Oz jump into action, scrambling to shove the Zombie’s out while the remaining party goers start trying to look for a way out.  
  
Xander breaks away from the crowd, looking around wildly.   
  
“Xander, kitchen!” Buffy calls to him.  
  
“I got your back!”   
  
She tosses him an andiron from the fireplace, that he catches with ease before he runs into the kitchen with Cordelia closely behind him. He swings his makeshift weapon at the first dead thing to look at him, making one stagger a bit while Cordelia grabs a stake from the counter and jabs into the gut of one. But nothing seems to phase them.   
  
“Man, this sucker wobbles but he won’t fall down!”   
  
He swings the andiron at the zombie's legs and knocks him to the floor. They both launch themselves on top of him and are working on pinning him still when Buffy shrieks from the living room.  
  
“We need some help out here.”   
  
Xander doesn’t look up from retraining dead guy. “I got him. Go help Buffy.”   
  
Cordelia rushes into the living room to help while Xander ties up the zombie. Can’t kill ‘em, maybe bondage will work.  
  
As soon as he’s sure that corpse guy isn’t going anywhere, he rushes to the living room just in time to help grab furniture and shove it against the door… when a fist suddenly punches through it and tries to grab Oz’s shoulder.  
  
“Upstairs!” Buffy ordered, already running. Willow, Xander, and Joyce follow close behind her… and then Ms. Summers diverts from them, seeing her friend lying unconscious on the floor down the hall.   
  
“Oh, Pat!”   
  
She rushes over to Pat. Willow and Buffy run over too, helping her grab Pat while Xander watches the stairs.   
  
“Hurry, Hurry, Hurry!” He urges.   
  
They drag her toward the bedroom and Xander ushers them in, following behind them. Ms. Summers and Willow drag Pat to lie her on the wicker chair while he and Buffy try to keep the zombie out of the bedroom.  
  
Willow feels for a pulse on Pat. “She’s -”   
  
“Oh, god! Pat! She’s dead!”  
  
Oh, great. They wasted all that time dragging a corpse in here, while reanimated ones try to kill them. This is one heck of a Hootenanny. He - ow! He’s knocked back away from the door and into the far wall when the Zombie hits the door, hard. He’s dazed but dashes back as soon as he can think clearly, again, and all four of them shove the door hard to get is closed.   
  
“What do we do if they get in?” Ms. Summers asks.  
  
Xander swallows hard.   
  
“I kind of think we die.”  
  
And, just like that, they’re overpowered. They fall back to the floor, and the zombie leading the attack backhands Buffy, sending her to the wall. Xander leaps to his feet and tries to grab the zombie from behind, but it hits backward and the blow glances off of his jaw, sending him flying over the bed and hitting the ground. Strong. These things are VERY strong. And also? OW.  
  
Ms. Summers suddenly lands next to him and Xander realizes that the previously-declared-dead Pat is now trying on that creepy mask… and all the other zombies immediately stop fighting, falling to their knees, screaming and cowering.   
  
“Generally speaking?” Xander says, to Ms. Summers. “when scary things get scared: not good.”  
  
Willow looks at Pat, transfixed by its stare. Frozen, completely.  
  
“I live, you die.”  
  
Buffy tries to get between them but the thing that used to be Ms. Summers’ friend turns its stare onto her and mesmerized her as well. It backhand punches her, and sends her flying in a high arc against the closet door. But Buff is as tough as these things are strong, maybe even tougher, and she’s only slightly dazed, and quickly raises herself up on her hands. She sees Willow back away from Zombie-Boss fearfully.  
  
“Willow, don't look!”  
  
Too late. She freezes again and the Zombie formally known as Pat strolls over to her, grabbing her by the jaw and the back of her head. Xander scrambles, but Buffy is faster, and the two of them are launched out the window, rolling out of sight.   
  
Of course, with the big boss out of the way, the zombie that was in there quits cowering and attacks them, again. Xander and Willow scramble to grab it by the arms and Joyce pulls a baseball bat out of her closet, hitting the zombie in the back, hard. It shakes loose of Willow and Xander, but Ms. Summers doesn’t stop swinging until it suddenly disappears.   
  


* * *

  
It’s one hell of a way to end a party.   
  
Xander steps back into the living room after inspecting the kitchen for any remaining dead uglies, finding everyone else is already gathered there. He coughs, clearing his throat before looking at Buffy.   
  
“Nice moves.”   
  
“You, too.” She tells him.  
  
Willow smiles, and goes to hug her Buffy. They squeeze each other for a long time.   
  
Xander doesn’t join.  
  


* * *

  
Xander also doesn’t get invited to coffee, the next day.   
  
He’s not surprised. Buffy’s not ready to forgive him… and he thinks that it’s about a lot more than the party and what he said. He thinks it stems all the way back, to Angel. To him never having liked him, never supporting their relationship. Maybe even further. He doesn’t know. All he does know is that he’s suddenly out of the loop.   
  
Willow falls back in the fold with Buffy. Her moral superiority about Buffy leaving is apparently endearing in a way that he is not, and they’re talking like the last three months never happened. And as Willow goes… so does Oz’s nation. Xander still has Cordelia, but…   
  
He misses his friends.   
  
He feels like he’s been benched. He said the things that they were supposed to only feel without ever talking about and now he’s paying the price. No more boy-Slayer. No more Nighthawk. No more gatherings with his friends after a night of kicking undead ass, laughing with each other. And no more side-kicking with flair, no more being Buffy's right-hand-man for stake whittling or when she needs someone to launch themselves at whatever the danger is long enough to distract it so she can kill it.   
  
He’s frayed the edges of a relationship and the damage might be irreparable.   
  
Nice start to his senior year.   
  
But he can’t really blame any of them. And he certainly can’t rant and rave about how they were all thinking and feeling the same things - that they told him they felt the same - because where does that get him? No, he has to take his lumps. One day at a time, until maybe one day he’s forgiven and they can be friends again.   
  
Until then?   
  
It’s just another day. This is the new normal.


End file.
